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Are You Disconnected?

We were hired as young, energetic people who wanted to make a difference in the community. We entered the academy well-rounded, like a home theater system that is perfectly balanced for optimal sound. Somewhere along the line we slowly morphed into disasters waiting to happen. We will become cops with broken families, drinking disorders, pain and anger. Who disconnected our surround system wires? And how do we hook them back up to live in harmony again?

A good home theater system is just that- a SYSTEM. It is made up of individual components. Properly tweaked, it sounds awesome. If you jumble a few cables and unplug the rest it might sound like karaoke at a tone-deaf convention.

A healthy sense of self is the same way. Imagine that the movie being played is your life. It will add tremendous depth if you are surrounded with the right components and they are tweaked in optimum balance. Components like outside friends who aren’t cops, spirituality, your family, sports and recreation.

Drive around in your car with the stereo on. Adjust the balance and fade until only one speaker has sound. This is what your life sounds like when the only dimension in it is police work. Mono, not stereo. This is not a ‘system’, it is a cycle of self-destruction. You might go on for quite a while in that condition and truly believe that you are doing just fine. But when your self-esteem is wrapped around a job there is no balance. Like a top-heavy speaker with one leg it can’t possibly stand. Even the slightest breeze will topple it over. And that breeze will come. We will all experience trial. Our ability to endure and grow through those trials depends on how well-balanced our system is.

The law enforcement role seems so complete in itself. It is so much fun that it slowly lures us in. We gradually lose touch with old friends who aren’t cops. We no longer have the energy for little league games. We stop going to church. Pretty soon our home theater system consists of only a center channel speaker. The job. Being a cop. It happens so slowly that we don’t miss the sub woofer (goals) or the rear speakers (friends and hobbies). We don’t have time to do much with our front speakers (kids and spouse) anymore. Things roll along smoothly so we assume that this approach works.

Are you disconnected? Do you need to plug back into some of the activities that you used to enjoy? Or find new ones? Does you life outside of work consist solely of the remote in your hand as you disengage from life and watch the world pass on by? Plugging in sounds simple but it must be a conscious decision. Make sure your life is filled with hobbies and values, non-cop friends and interests outside of work. Make sure you are living life.

You can start by taking responsibility for your current physical health and setting up a schedule of aerobic exercise. This will allow you to detox from the poisons of law enforcement work. Make a plan and keep at it even when you feel too tired. This is when you need it the most

List the priorities in your life. Then look honestly at where and how you spend your time. Does your list mesh with your schedule? If I looked at your schedule could I tell that spirituality is one of your priorities? Would I see that time with your family is ahead of watching television? If you are not proactive in scheduling life outside of work it will not happen. Relationships will begin deteriorating. Such a slow erosion that you may not even notice. You just wake up one day and wonder where they have gone.

The only way to stop this erosion is to plug back into life. Set goals for fitness or hobbies and write them down. Plan family activities and don’t miss them because you are too tired from chasing bad guys. Recognize that the high you experience at work has biological consequences.

Balance is the key to a good sound system and a good-sounding life system. When you are first out of the academy it is easy to surround yourself only with the job because it is so much more fun than the rest of life. Long term this causes us to become imbalanced, a PEAP call-out waiting to happen. You must make an effort to turn on the rest of your life when you leave work. By staying involved in relationships and activities outside of work you can reconnect your system and make it sound good again.

Detective Lisa Flahive

P.E.A.P.